Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My First Official Failure...

I suppose it was bound to happen.  Even with that knowledge, I don't feel much better...  Our little girl is growing and learning everyday.  I sometimes wonder if she could develop any faster.  One day she was saying 'ba ba ba" and literally the next day said "ma ma".  It seems like every week there is something new.  I am finding that at this point Jaycee needs 100 % of my attention.  I used to be able to leave her in one place, get up to answer the phone and she would be where I left her.  Now, if I turn to look at the clock, it is a good possibility that she could be on her way downstairs to make herself some lunch!  Yesterday, I found this out the hard way, the hardest way I could.  With all her recent developments, we are discovering that Jaycee likes to skip steps.  When I look in the "What to expect..." books, I find that she is often a month or even two ahead with some of her discoveries.  One of these discoveries is her ability to stand up and attempt to walk.  Well this might be expected, except that Jaycee decided crawling is for babies and has given us little warning about her ability to stand up and attempt a step.  While sitting on her bottom, she was playing nicely with her toys.  I was sitting next to her and was enjoying the peace of a concentrating baby when I noticed a wipe that had fallen from the table.  I got up to pick it up and throw it away.  I would imagine that it took me approximately 2 seconds to throw it away.  In those two seconds, Jaycee had used one of her toys to stand up.  As quickly as she could wobble to her feet, she fell face down on the only area of the wood floor that isn't covered by a fluffy rug.  I picked her up immediately and began to search for injuries.  She buried her head into my shoulder as I checked her head and limbs.  Then I pulled her away to have a look at her face.  In addition to a mark on her forehead and one across the nose, her two baby teeth had gone into her top lip causing her to bleed.  Worried that she might need a stitch, I took her to the doctor.  After being assured that it would heal fine without any treatment, we left a little bruised and guilt ridden (Jaycee being the bruised one).  I can say with all honesty that I have never hurt so bad in my life as I did when I picked my little girl up from the ground only to see blood running down her little lips onto her chin.  I would have fallen on my face 100 times before I let her get hurt.  Its my job.  I am supposed to watch her.  I am supposed to keep her safe and as pain free as possible.  I failed.  I never thought parenthood could be so painful... Lesson learned...