Waking up is hard to do...

So, Jaycee is a big girl.  As she gets bigger, I love watching her personality emerge even more.  Of course, as soon as we see some of her traits, we can almost immediately identify which ones are Jess' and which are mine (or at least we think we can).  Naturally, we fight to claim the best ones and try to give the cranky ones to the other person.  Some of them though are plain as day.  One of the clear ones is the hard time Jaycee has waking up.  She'll poke her head up look around the room and slam her head back down.  Then she'll do it again, and again, and again for a few minutes.  Then, she eventually sits up.  As she is trying to fully awaken, there is a lot of eye rubbing, yawning and a few long stretches then she starts to make her announcements.  I am not sure yet what she is saying exactly, but she is obviously being bossy and NOT in a good mood.  That's usually when I go to pick her up.  At this point, I am not allowed to put her down on the floor, because she'll immediately claim that her legs aren't working yet and she is frozen in place.  So we usually have to walk around for a few minutes and get the rest of the yawns out, then I am permitted to offer her breakfast.  Whose trait is this that makes it so hard to wake up?  Mommy's.  I guess I thought at this point I'd be teaching Jaycee the daily schedule, but that's not the case.  Oh well, it could be worse.  She could have a hard time getting to sleep...

The Frustrations of a 12 month old...

So here we are.  We made it to 12 months without any major hiccups.  Sure we had our rough patches, but we made it.  It has been fun watching Jaycee learn how to walk and become pretty good at it so quickly.  It was like literally watching her gain independence right in front of our eyes.  It is exactly that independence that leads to my post.

Jaycee is able to go everywhere (mostly) that she wants in the house; however, that doesn't mean she can have anything she wants; for example, my laptop, cell phone, iPod, and a few other things that are not for babies.  Other than that short list, its all fair game, including television remotes and cordless phones.  Well I have learned that she only wants those "forbidden" things.  She has in excess of 35 toys ranging in all sizes, noises and functions; but she still thinks that a rectangular piece of plastic (iPod) is the most interesting thing in the room.  The funny thing is that I don't even keep it where she can see it, but she watches when I pick it up and put it down so she has a pretty good idea where it is.  So starts the frustration.  I must say, her tantrums are becoming very loud and violent when she doesn't get what she wants.  Usually I tell her sorry and let her cry it out, but she found a way to get me involved.  When she is crying she'll sit on her bottom, then throw herself backwards.  She only does it when I am close enough to catch her ironically and she then proceeds to yell at me as if I pushed her back with my invisible hand!  Luckily, the episode is over in a few minutes and its back to business as usual.

The funny thing is that it used to bother me, but now it is just part of our day.  And for those of you who would like to see this in action; alas, Jaycee saves this performance for her mommy and daddy exclusively.  Put it on video you say?  I think you'd have better luck getting Bigfoot on tape, because when Jaycee see a camera she is pretty sure its the coolest thing in the room and she needs it.  Then it starts all over again... 

My Buddy...

Jaycee is becoming a big girl; physically and every other way.  We see this in so many ways now.  Like right now, I can write this blog because she is playing so nicely with her toys.  In fact, not only does she not need her daddy to play with her, but when I do she gets annoyed when I touch her stuff.  Along with her ability to walk and her latest attempts at conversation, she has definitely gained some independence.  Watching her walk around being a big girl, I found myself wondering: what now?  What do I do?  Being that so much has changed, I probably need to as well.  Which brings me to today's story.

I have a weakness for Carl's Jr.'s Breakfast Burger.  If you haven't had/seen this fast food breakfast marvel, I'll tell you about.  It's a breakfast sandwich with a burger patty!  I love this thing.  Jess has been trying to get me to drop the taste for it, citing its unhealthy aspects, but she has thus far been unsuccessful.  The mixture of breakfast and lunch makes it perfect for me, but I digress.  So I picked one up with Jaycee this morning and brought it home.  With the burger comes an order of hash brown things and a drink.  So we get home and have a seat on the couch.  One of the cool parts about Jaycee getting big is that she can eat more things that we eat. (I know you see where this is going, but first allow me to preface this by saying that Jaycee does not eat fast food, so this was a rare occasion.)  When we eat now, Jaycee is very interested in our food; this was no exception.  So I sat her next to me while I was eating my burger and reached in the bag for a little piece of hash brown.  I handed it to her and she opened her chubby little fingers and took the piece and casually ate, like it was no big deal.  She was so casual about it that she even crossed her legs, leaned back and watched TV!  (Where did the baby go?)  So we both sat there enjoying our breakfast.

I guess what I noticed in those couple of minutes was that I definitely lost the little baby and got a big kid in her place.  But, along with the big kid, I got a buddy.  We spend all day, everyday together and it makes sense that we would be great buddies.  Then I am reminded again of how lucky I am to be home with Jaycee and what a great sacrifice my wife makes to keep it that way.  What a great life to have...  

   

Childhood Scars...

I guess when I think about it, childhood injuries are inevitable.  From the first day of exploration to riding bikes, bumps and bruises are bound to happen.  I suppose one of our jobs as parents is to try to minimize the injuries sustained (i.e. knee pads, outlet covers, padded walls).  As I look at some of the trouble I found myself in when I was a kid, a lot of my scars came with an important lesson or two about what NOT to do.  Like the one under my chin that came as the result of swinging on a bench I shouldn't have been swinging on.  So I guess to some extent, I was prepared to deal with Jaycee's bloody lips, bruised knees and other injuries.  What I wasn't prepared for was those injuries that she would be inflicting on me!  

Jaycee is sleeping with us still, so when she wakes up, so do I.  I usually let her wake up slowly and eventually she stands up to make her official "I'm awake" announcement.  This can be some random screaming or even some face poking.  So today's wake up call was in the form of a tiny finger being violently jammed up my nose.  Naturally, a bloody nose followed.  So far (not including needle pokes) Jaycee has only had two bloody anythings.  Me from Jaycee: more than ten.  From the biting to the head butting.  The poking and pulling.  Her weapons are becoming stronger and more complex.  So I guess I'm saying that childhood scars should also include parenthood scars.  Better me than her, right?... 

New Family= New Traditions...

I think a big part of having a new baby is learning to live life with a new family.  Before Jaycee's arrival, life was very different (obviously).  If we needed to do something, the only hassle was getting dressed and driving.  Now we have to get ourselves dressed, dress Jaycee, change diapers, stock the diaper bag, get the car seat ready, (etc.).  Now I am certainly not complaining.  I definitely knew that life was going to change and we were as prepared as possible, but I have run into the problem of the HOLIDAYS (cue the scary music).  Both Jess and I come from families that have some traditions of meeting together to celebrate.  Naturally, the question of where to go comes up.  While this was only a slight bump when we first got married, now with Jaycee; things got complicated.  My family traditionally meets Christmas Eve and parties until midnight (or later) to ring in the holiday.  Jess' family meets for lunch/early dinner on Christmas Eve.  Last year, we were able to hit both.  It was a long day (especially with Jess being 7 1/2 months pregnant), but we made it work.  This year, the prospect of driving in the rain on Christmas Eve seemed a little cumbersome.  So, I made the big decision to not do the midnight festivities this year and end the day with the early dinner with Jess' family.  Unfortunately, this didn't go over so well.  Some of my family saw this choice as a break of the tradition and were pretty outspoken about it.  Concerned that I might have made some waves, I tried to think of ways to do something that worked on both sides.  So I decided to visit with family on the 23rd instead.  It was made apparent again that I was breaking tradition and some people still weren't happy.  What to do?  Nothing.  I chose to stick with my plans of an early evening and a rested Christmas day.  Some people might see this as selfish, but I saw it as the best way to make the holiday great for MY family.  I think I made the right choice for everyone and maybe next year we can change it up.  And last night, I sat next to our exhausted baby at 8:30 as she curled up next to me and I swore I heard her say: Good Choice dad, Good Choice...  

To Clothe or not to Clothe...

There has been a little debate here about Jaycee and clothing.  Before Jaycee made her debut, we amassed a large supply of outfits.  Thanks to generous family and friends, we didn't have to buy very many things until recently.  One of the perks to Southern California is the wonderful weather.  Jaycee was able to wear all sorts of sun dresses and tank tops out and about and we never had to worry about her getting cold.  Well, I found myself in a little bit of a routine with Jaycee's clothes... like I didn't put any on her.  Of course when we went out she'd have on any of her many outfit choices, but when we were planted at home: naked (with diaper, most of the time).  Jess would leave in the morning and kiss a clothed baby goodbye and greet a shirtless/pant less wild child when she got home.  The funny thing is, I wasn't skipping the clothes out of laziness, but rather it seemed like Jaycee really enjoyed being nature baby  (plus it was always fun to watch her investigate her belly button).  With that said, Jess always gave me a hard time over our clothing optional policy.  I can see her side, we had so many clothes that she won't and didn't get to wear so we might as well get a cycle out of them.  Even with that knowledge, I really felt like she was happy without the weight of a cotton onesie.  As winter rolls in, the debate ends.  It is a little to cold to crawl around naked, so we have to cover up that skin.  Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  I guess in some ways, seeing a naked baby made me think she was just a little tiny baby.  When she wears clothes, she looks like a college bound teenager.  Ok, a little bit of an exaggeration, but its kind of true.  I'll do anything to make this last a little longer...

All is flux...

A Greek philosopher once said "The only constant is change."  I have come to the conclusion that Heraclitus must have been a father, because change seems to be the theme of fatherhood and parenthood in general.  It seems like I've posted on this subject before, but so much has happened and is happening that I think it is worthy of another one.

Of course I can dwell on the obvious changes with my little monkey (Jaycee), like her increased crawling speed, her ability to stand up quickly (and fall quickly), her chompers that are poking through her gums faster than we can count them, and countless other developments that come with each day, but I have noticed a lot of changes with myself.  I'm sure a lot of these changes are natural (hopefully), but I still have to look in the mirror sometimes and acknowledge them.

What are these changes?  I'm sure they are subtle to many people (especially parents), but they are new to me.  As Jaycee and I stumble through our days together we learn together and naturally she is a much faster learner than I; however, that doesn't mean she is slowing down for me!  Nevertheless, I find myself in awe of her and I realize how far down on the Totem pole I really am.  The other day I was enjoying a swim in the pool with my girls and I was suddenly inspired to try a backflip off the edge.  In my younger days (hahaha), I would have done it without hesitation and been out of the water to do it again.  Not this time, as I stood on top of the rock looking over the deep blue end of the pool, I glanced up to see Jaycee's beautiful inquisitive eyes staring right back at mine.  I took a step down off the rock onto the pool's edge and slipped gently into the water and swam up next to her.  All the sudden, my fun seemed so unnecessary.  My responsibility to that little baby is the only thing that will ever matter to me ever again.  It was in those moments that I saw that my happiness and joy is her happiness and joy.  Her smile is mine, her fears are mine, her battles are my battles.  There is NOTHING in this world that I wouldn't do for her.

Of course this wasn't an entirely new observation, but the gravity of its reach caught me off guard.  I notice that those things that were once my passions and joys suddenly seem so meaningless.  I played soccer at a local park in a semi-competitive league this summer and cut it short when a couple of the other guys were playing a little rough... A little rough?  Are you kidding me?  I used to love that!  They play a  little rough, I play a little rougher and so on.  

It is so easy to label this phenomenon as "aging" or "maturing", but it is much more complex than that.  My concerns are whether or not I will be the father I want to be or if I'm giving Jaycee everything she needs.  What a concept: my life is forever changed by a little girl that has only been in my life for 9 months, two weeks, four days and 10 hours.  There was a day that I was afraid of responsibility, but now I welcome it with open arms.  It is responsibility that gave my life meaning and it that same responsibility that will make my life complete...